SPAM – Not The Good Kind

I love SPAM. It’s good fried for sandwiches, cubed with scrambled eggs, or chunked up in the crock pot with beans. There are many ways to enjoy SPAM.

Then there’s the other SPAM. The kind that fills email inboxes and causes important messages to be lost. That SPAM I hate.

I decided to save every email message I got on February 12th to see just how bad the SPAM problem is. I received a total of 353 email messages in that 24 hour period. Of those 353 emails, I read and/or responded to 34. Those 34 were personal, business related, or emails I solicited as updates on news or other events. Thirty four messages is less than 10% of the total email I received. No wonder people lose messages in the crowd.

I saved some of the more colorful or crude messages. I don’t read these kinds of emails. Just the subject line and the sender are enough to cause smiles or shudders of disgust. Some of my favorites from the 12th are:


  • I’m not sure what hands and oral have to do with each other. I probably don’t want to know.
  • I live in a trailer. I don’t have a garage and nobody would replace my windows, even if I had inquired.
  • I’m not really interested in pleasing the ladies, and clearly neither is Jay-Z.
  • What if I don’t speak Spanish, and I don’t, although I recognize a few words?
  • I’m not interested in tumors, in rats or anything else.
  • Circle back to that trailer thing and imagine me renting a private jet.
  • No hanky panky needed here.
  • I haven’t shaved in over 40 years and “Suck Less” is hardly a ringing endorsement.
  • Don’t need a Hi from someone I never heard of and whose name I can’t pronounce.
  • Why would you open an email with foulness as the subject?
  • Non-sentences are not intriguing to me.
  • Unsolicited tips on dropping flab aren’t going to lure me in, and what’s with all the hyphens?
  • I can’t imagine why sharpening clerks often, or ever, would be a selling point.
  • And of course the email in a language that requires a whole new character set!

I hate the bad kind of SPAM!


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